(Worthy Satire) – In a shocking on-air monologue that left even the studio teleprompter sweating, an MSNBC host passionately defended Hillary Clinton’s hypothetical foreign policy toughness, saying, “If Hillary had been president, Iran’s nuclear program would’ve been flattened–just like the careers, reputations, and pulses of her political enemies.”
Drawing comparisons to recent U.S. strikes in the Middle East, the host pointed out, “Everyone talks about Trump’s unpredictability–but Hillary? She had the quiet resolve of a Bond villain with a Clinton Foundation tax shelter.”
“When Hillary draws a red line,” the anchor added, “it’s not just metaphorical–it’s chalked at the edge of a shallow grave in Arkansas.”
Analysts across cable news scrambled to decode whether the statement was a foreign policy endorsement or a subtle threat. “Look,” the host said, “Iran wouldn’t dare retaliate under her. Why? Because they’d have a sudden email server accident, or coincidentally find themselves doing backflips off hotel balconies in Qatar.”
One MSNBC viewer summarized it best: “She may not have nuked Iran, but she’s certainly been known to delete… problems.”
No interns were harmed as of yet in the creation of this satire, but we’ve updated our wills just in case.
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