(Worthy Satire) – In what economists are calling “the Great Shell Shock,” egg prices have dropped a staggering 61% since President Trump returned to office–but don’t expect to hear that on any mainstream network unless a chicken personally lays the eggs on Joy Reid’s desk.
Despite breakfast becoming more affordable than ever, the media has remained curiously quiet. CNN did briefly cover eggs this week, but only in the context of “climate harm caused by poultry privilege.” NBC, meanwhile, speculated the price drop may be linked to “Russian hens laying eggs to interfere in democracy.”
“We’re currently investigating if this egg data was sourced from Rudy Giuliani’s refrigerator,” said one MSNBC anchor in a segment titled ‘Cracked Conspiracies.’
Desperate for a distraction, reports suggest Hillary Clinton may be preparing her next narrative, code-named “Omelet-Gate,” in which she alleges that the lower egg prices are part of a dark Trump plan to poison the national cholesterol.
White House Press Secretary, while serving omelets at the podium, responded: “We’re just making eggs great again. But go ahead and ask the Democrats what went wrong–they’ve always got a dozen excuses.”
At press time, the New York Times was reportedly preparing a front-page exposé titled: “Are Cheap Eggs a Threat to Democracy?”
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