(Worthy Satire) – Alarm is spreading across Vermont’s political establishment after a 14-year-old secured a spot on the gubernatorial ballot—raising fears that basic competence may soon become the new standard.
“This is a serious threat,” one veteran politician admitted. “He answers questions directly… and finishes assignments. That’s dangerous.”
The young candidate’s platform—focused on getting things done, cutting pointless meetings, and actually solving problems—has reportedly shaken officials accustomed to long discussions with no conclusions.
Even more troubling to insiders: he doesn’t rely on donors, lobbyists, or vague promises—just “Wi-Fi and snacks.”
Supporters say years of surviving group projects have prepared him well for government dysfunction.
At press time, several politicians were reportedly testing bold new strategies, including “telling the truth” and “completing one task at a time,” though aides warned such moves could backfire.
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