In a bold move that linguists are calling “either avant-garde or a cry for help,” Dictionary.com announced that its 2025 Word of the Year is “6-7′.”

Democrats across America were left in collective disarray this week as footage emerged of tens of thousands of Israelis cheering for U.S. President Donald Trump — the very man they had spent years branding as “literally Hitler.”

As the federal government entered its latest shutdown, something remarkable happened: Americans discovered they could still order coffee, binge Netflix, and argue online without federal oversight.

In his latest quest to liberate the internet from mediocrity, Elon Musk has unveiled “Grokipedia,” a rival to Wikipedia designed to harness AI’s “superior ability to gaslight humanity at scale.”

In a move that surprised absolutely no one, congressional lawmakers quietly unloaded shares of Tylenol just before controversy over a possible autism link sent the stock tumbling.

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer is warning that a government shutdown is imminent, but ordinary Americans are quietly wondering if that might actually be the best thing to happen to them all year.

In a stunning turn of events, China has announced that it will, for the first time, vow to reduce greenhouse gas emissions — a pledge that comes only after decades of pumping out enough smoke to make the Industrial Revolution look like a backyard barbecue.

In a move critics say finally acknowledges the “real workhorse” of the administration, the White House has replaced President Joe Biden’s official photo in the Presidential Walk of Fame with a glossy portrait of his autopen.

In a bold move for “freedom of expression,” Google announced it will reinstate YouTube accounts that were censored for political speech, hailing the decision as a “victory for open dialogue.”

The WNBA announced today that Indiana Fever star Caitlin Clark has been fined for “inappropriate remarks” about officiating. The amount? A whopping $200.

The Cleveland Browns managed to beat the Green Bay Packers 13–10 Sunday, and within minutes federal investigators announced a full-scale probe into whether the game was “obviously rigged.”

Doctors at a UK hospital are hailing the miraculous recovery of a man who sustained a broken neck, fractured spine, shattered ribs, and blood-filled lungs — the type of injuries normally reserved for high-speed car crashes — after tripping over his cat on the way to make a cup of tea.

Ben Cohen, co-founder of Ben & Jerry’s, has hung up his scooper after nearly five decades, but not because of age or corporate burnout. He says the ice cream empire has “tragically lost its radical edge.”