In a bizarre incident that left security officials scratching their heads, a group of activists was detained while attempting to smuggle a goat onto the Temple Mount, insisting it was an “emotional support animal for the end times.”

In a bold move, Apple is reportedly considering raising iPhone prices to account for “increased air costs” in its production facilities.

In a bold move that has shocked political insiders and aviation enthusiasts alike, Qatar has reportedly offered Donald Trump a jumbo jet to replace Air Force One, stating that it would be “an absolute honor” to provide him with the “Trumpiest plane ever.”

In a bold move to stay ahead of the financial curve, Steak n Shake announced it will now accept Bitcoin at all locations starting May 16, declaring, “The movement is just beginning… and so are the transaction fees!”

In a scene that looked more like a summer block party than an international conflict, residents in Pakistan lounged in lawn chairs, sipping chai and munching on samosas, as missiles roared overhead toward India.

In a bold move to “Make America Healthy Again,” the Trump administration has announced three new food colors that promise to “inject a little patriotism” into every meal.

In a jaw-dropping interview on “Tucker Carlson Tonight,” Ben & Jerry’s co-founder Ben Cohen sent shockwaves through the conservative talk show’s audience by passionately declaring his love for Jesus Christ — and making a surprising claim about the dietary choices of the Messiah.

In what might be the most bewildering take on illegal immigration ever aired, an MSNBC guest proclaimed, “If I get murdered by an undocumented immigrant, please tell my children, ‘I did not care that they were undocumented.’”

In a stunning revelation that has sent shockwaves through the diaper industry, TikTok mommy influencer Chloe Sage claims she successfully potty-trained her 3-week-old baby, Sequoia-Rain. “It’s actually a LOT easier than you think,” Chloe told her 2.5 million followers while balancing a glass of kombucha on her head.

In a jaw-dropping segment on “The View,” the hosts dared to ask President Joe Biden about his rumored cognitive decline. Biden’s response was a wandering monologue about ice cream trucks, Corn Pop, and how he once challenged a Roomba to a push-up contest.

In a move that sounds like the plot of a rejected Bond film, a shadowy government agency has reportedly decided that Earth needs less sun — because, apparently, SPF 100 just isn’t cutting it.

In a bold move ahead of crucial trade negotiations, China has decided to shutter its entire economic data department and instead distribute fortune cookies with vague yet optimistic phrases like, “Great prosperity is just around the corner,” and “Your GDP may be lower than expected, but everything is about to change.”

In a fiery speech on the Senate floor, Sen. Josh Hawley demanded an immediate vote on the PELOSI Act, a proposed bill requiring lawmakers to disclose their stock trades in real-time while wearing sandwich boards that read, “Ask Me About My Portfolio.”

In a tear-filled farewell broadcasted exclusively on Microsoft Teams, the tech giant officially pulled the plug on Skype, the app that once ruled the world of awkward video calls and echo-laden conferences.

President Donald Trump announced plans to reopen the infamous Alcatraz prison with the specific purpose of housing “certain political figures,” beginning with his longtime nemesis, Hillary Clinton.

In a teary-eyed farewell that lasted approximately 45 minutes — or roughly the duration of a decent nap — President Joe Biden said that deciding to step down in 2024 was the toughest call of his career, pointing to the overwhelming success of his first term as the main reason for his departure.