Ministry of Sensitivity Declares Orwell’s 1984 “Deeply Problematic”
(Worthy Satire) – In a move that would make Big Brother proud, several universities have slapped George Orwell’s dystopian classic 1984 with a trigger warning, warning students that the book contains “disturbing amounts of reality.”
The advisory cautions readers that Orwell’s work may contain “themes of government surveillance, suppression of speech, thoughtcrime, and–most distressingly–accuracy.”
“This book is a minefield,” said Dr. Penelope Wokehart, Chair of the Department of Triggerology at the University of Safe Spaces. “There’s surveillance, language control, and the suggestion that a centralized government might not have your best interests in mind. That kind of paranoia is very toxic.”
Cancel Culture Ministry Expands to Literature
The move comes amid a broader campaign by the Ministry of Cancel Culture to protect citizens from subversive ideas, dangerous comedy, and anything written before 2020. Orwell’s 1984 is now shelved between The Cat in the Hat (flagged for “top hat privilege”) and To Kill a Mockingbird (redacted entirely).
Room 101 Now a Mandatory Seminar
As part of curriculum reform, Orwell’s Room 101 has been rebranded as a “Restorative Reality Adjustment Space,” where students are gently reminded that two plus two can, in fact, equal five–if that’s how you identify.
“Orwell warned us about the Thought Police,” said one concerned professor anonymously (for fear of Thought Police). “But he never imagined we’d unionize them and give them tenure.”
Coming Soon: Trigger Warnings for the Constitution
In unrelated but completely related news, founding documents are also being reviewed for offensive content, starting with the First Amendment, which some officials now classify as “free speech supremacy.”
As Orwell once didn’t say but probably would today: “In times of universal sensitivity, telling the truth is a microaggression.”
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