(Worthy Satire) – In an unexpected side effect of Nintendo’s fastest-selling console launch in history, hospitals nationwide are reporting a sharp rise in go-kart injuries—mostly from players who thought drifting in real life worked just like it does in Mario Kart.
The Nintendo Switch 2, which sold over 5 million units in its first week, has apparently inspired legions of fans to take their racing skills from screen to street—or rather, to the local go-kart tracks. The result? A dramatic increase in banana peel-related slip-ups, green shell disputes, and one man reportedly attempting to launch a blue turtle shell at a 12-year-old who passed him in the final lap.
“We’ve never had this many sprained ankles and crushed egos in one weekend,” said a spokesperson from the National Association of Go-Kart Safety. “And for the record, tossing mushrooms at other drivers is not a speed boost.”
Nintendo declined to comment, but an internal memo allegedly warned developers against releasing a real-life version of Rainbow Road, citing “liability concerns and a complete lack of guardrails.”
One hospital ER doctor summed it up best: “They come in dressed like Mario, but they leave feeling like Waluigi.”
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