BURBANK, CA (Worthy Satire) – Disney announced today that its seventh theme park will be constructed in the heart of Abu Dhabi, merging the charm of Mickey Mouse with the heat of the Arabian Desert.
“This park will be unlike any other,” said Disney CEO Farrah Fantasia. “Guests will be able to enjoy Splash Mountain in temperatures that make it a literal survival challenge.”
The park will also feature an exclusive attraction, “The Magic Carpet Traffic Jam,” where visitors will experience the thrill of navigating a congested Abu Dhabi freeway on a flying carpet, complete with honking camels and a relentless sandstorm.
“Abu Dhabi has long been known for its record-breaking attractions – world’s largest mall, tallest building, and now, the world’s hottest line for churros,” Fantasia said.
Disney stock soared after the announcement of a new product line – “Desert Fresh,” a deodorant line that will be sold exclusively at the park. “With temperatures that rarely dip below 110 degrees, people will sweat like they never have before,” Fantasia said. “And we plan to keep the lines long so that people will desperately buy our deodorant – at any price. Just ask any Gulf War veteran how much they sweated in the Middle East!”
When asked about introducing the company’s “woke” agenda in a predominantly Muslim country, Fantasia said, “Yes, we’re aware of the cultural differences, but we’re introducing our inclusivity message very creatively. Mickey Mousa al-Rat will serve as our new cultural ambassador – a mouse in a kandura who swaps his iconic gloves for SPF 100 and shares daily affirmations like, ‘It’s a small, scorching world after all.’”
Meanwhile, Abu Dhabi officials are reportedly in talks with Disney over a new attraction tentatively titled “It’s a Dry Heat – The Musical,” featuring a chorus of animatronic camels singing classic Disney hits with a Middle Eastern twist.
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