Washington, D.C. (Worthy Satire) – Top Democrats have called for a full congressional investigation into what they’re calling “an unprecedented threat to the Republic”: the announcement that The Late Show with Stephen Colbert will be ending in May 2026.
“This isn’t just the cancelation of a late-night talk show,” said Senator Chuck Schumer, visibly shaken. “It’s the cancelation of truth, satire, and smug applause lines delivered to carefully vetted studio audiences. We must get to the bottom of this–America deserves answers.”
The House Committee on Cultural Hysteria and Emotional Outbursts convened an emergency hearing early Monday, where Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez tearfully described the show’s final season as “a cultural 9/11.” She demanded subpoenas for CBS executives, network advertisers, and “whoever let Gutfeld get ratings.”
“We used to watch Colbert to learn what to think,” said one concerned liberal arts graduate between sips of a six-dollar oat milk latte. “Now I’ll be forced to confront reality… or worse, Fallon.”
Meanwhile, Rep. Adam Schiff warned the cancelation may be a Kremlin-backed plot. “We have intelligence–very credible memes–that Russian agents infiltrated CBS programming meetings with MAGA hats and red clown noses,” Schiff claimed, citing a mysterious dossier titled The Late Show Pee Tape.
Sources close to Stephen Colbert say the host is considering a 2028 presidential run, citing his qualifications as “a man who read Trump jokes off a teleprompter for nine years.”
As the nation grapples with this devastating loss, one thing is certain: without The Late Show, Democrats will have no way of knowing what to think… until Jon Stewart says something next week.
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