PAMPLONA, SPAIN (Worthy Satire) – In a bold act of rebellion and impeccable driving skill, a Spanish bull stole a moped earlier today in a daring escape from the country’s infamous annual bull run.
Eyewitnesses say the bull, identified only as “Toro Loco,” broke free from a holding pen moments before the run began. Instead of charging through the streets with a herd of equally disgruntled ungulates, Toro spotted a tourist’s moped parked nearby, mounted it with surprising grace, and sped off into the horizon like a bovine James Bond.
“He looked me dead in the eyes,” said Enrique Alvarez, a seasoned runner. “Then he snorted, shook his head, and rode off like he had better things to do. Honestly, I respect it.”
Animal rights groups hailed the escape as a “peaceful protest against centuries of forced cardio,” while the local police have launched a moped-theft investigation. Authorities admitted the bull’s riding form was “shockingly stable,” and acknowledged he signaled before making a left turn.
Toro Loco later posted on X (formerly Twitter):
“Running through the streets for human entertainment? Nah. I’m taking a mental health day. #SelfCare #MooDopedOut 🐮🛵”
In response, event organizers vowed to implement new rules to prevent future escapes, including a mandatory hoof pat-down and parking mopeds at least 50 meters from any corral.