NEW YORK (Worthy Satire) – In a bold move to promote “balance,” top ABC executives have reportedly asked The View hosts to scale back their criticism of Donald Trump, suggesting they limit their anti-Trump tirades to “every other sentence” rather than “every audible sound.”
“We’re not saying don’t criticize him,” one executive clarified. “We’re just saying maybe take a breath between insults. Or perhaps, once in a while, criticize someone else. Biden exists. Just throwing that out there.”
Sources say the decision came after an internal AI closed-captioning tool overheated trying to keep up with Joy Behar’s references to “fascism” during a Tuesday taping.
Sunny Hostin allegedly responded to the memo by turning her chair 180 degrees and continuing her monologue to an empty studio wall in protest. Meanwhile, Whoopi Goldberg is rumored to have nodded once and resumed knitting a scarf out of shredded Mar-a-Lago subpoenas.
When asked how long the new policy might last, an ABC spokesperson said, “We’ll revisit after the election—or after the next indictment—whichever comes first.”
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