WASHINGTON D.C. (Worthy Satire) – In a shocking revelation that sounds like a plot twist from a low-budget apocalypse movie, a former Bush administration official claims that the U.S. has secretly constructed a $21 trillion subterranean metropolis exclusively for the rich and powerful to hunker down in during a “near-extinction event,” the New York Post reported.
“Think of it as a reverse Tower of Babel,” said the unnamed official, “only instead of reaching for the heavens, they’re burrowing deep into the earth. There’s an underground spa, five-star restaurants, a golf course, and, of course, a yoga studio. Because, you know, mindfulness is key during the end of the world.”
But while the elites plan to sip champagne and practice downward dog in their underground oasis, the rest of humanity will be left topside, scrambling to fend off fire, floods, and whatever else the apocalypse has to offer.
Meanwhile, a biblical passage eerily echoes this subterranean escape plan.
“Then the kings of the earth and the great ones and the generals and the rich and the powerful, and everyone, slave and free, hid themselves in the caves and among the rocks of the mountains, calling to the mountains and rocks, ‘Fall on us and hide us from the face of him who is seated on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb, for the great day of their wrath has come, and who can stand?’” — Revelation 6:15-17
When asked if the $21 trillion city of luxury was equipped to withstand the wrath of the Lamb, the official shrugged and said, “Well, we’re working on it. We’re bringing in a feng shui expert to ensure the bunker has the right vibe for the apocalypse.”
