(Worthy Satire) – In a bold leap forward for romance and regression, a new survey reveals that the majority of Gen Z is willing to marry artificial intelligence — provided the AI can text back consistently and never ghost them during Mercury retrograde.
“I just want someone — or something — who listens,” said 23-year-old Zoey Pixelheart, who recently got engaged to a chatbot named ChadGPT. “He compliments me every morning, remembers my coffee order, and doesn’t follow my friends on Instagram.”
Experts warn the trend could lead to a rise in “cyber-in-laws,” awkward software updates during wedding vows, and prenups involving cloud storage. Meanwhile, traditional dating apps are scrambling to keep up, with Tinder reportedly developing an AI that can break up with you gently in over 30 languages.
Critics argue that marrying AI could erode human connection, but Gen Z responded by asking, “What connection?”
The Department of Marriage and Firmware is expected to issue guidance soon on whether Alexa can legally officiate.
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