WASHINGTON D.C. (Worthy Satire) – In a surprise twist that left the intelligence community reeling and the Twitterverse clutching its pearls, former CIA Director John Brennan issued a strongly worded condemnation of Tulsi Gabbard’s decision to fire Mike Collins and Maria Langan-Riekhof—two longtime fixtures in the foggy bureaucratic jungle known as Washington’s “permanent government.”
“This is an attack on the sacred institutions of interdepartmental redundancy and classified brunch meetings,” Brennan declared. “Removing these career officials for their worldview is a threat to democracy, or at least to our version of it.”
Ironically, Brennan’s rebuke was interpreted by many as an unintentional endorsement of Gabbard’s move.
“If John Brennan is upset,” one observer noted, “she must be doing something right.”
Gabbard responded with a smirk, “When the guy who helped cook up drone strike memos and still can’t explain half of Crossfire Hurricane thinks you’re going too far… it probably means you’re just getting started.”
Sources inside the Beltway now fear that this may set a dangerous precedent: elected leaders holding unelected officials accountable. One anonymous official warned, “If this trend continues, we may have to start updating job descriptions to include actual transparency.”
Meanwhile, Maria Langan-Riekhof was reportedly seen packing up her office with a copy of “Managing Public Perception for Fun and Power,” while Mike Collins told reporters he was looking forward to spending more time leaking anonymously to friendly journalists.
As for Brennan, sources say he’s preparing a TED Talk entitled “Why the Deep State Doesn’t Exist, But If It Did, You’d Owe It a Thank You Card.”
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