(Worthy Satire) – In a move that sounds like the plot of a rejected Bond film, a shadowy government agency has reportedly decided that Earth needs less sun — because, apparently, SPF 100 just isn’t cutting it.
“We’re just going to turn the brightness down a notch, like on your TV,” said an unnamed official, who declined to comment on how exactly they plan to dim a star 93 million miles away. “It’s all very scientific. Trust us.”
However, experts are warning that tampering with the sun could have “unwanted consequences,” such as longer winters, frozen crops, and mass confusion among beachgoers.
“I was planning a vacation to Florida,” said one concerned citizen. “Now I hear they’re turning off the sun? What’s next, putting it on a timer?”
Meanwhile, conspiracy theorists are already speculating that the real reason for the dimming operation is to give government officials an extra hour of sleep without blackout curtains. “First they told us to cover our faces, now they’re covering the sun,” said one man wearing three pairs of sunglasses. “Wake up, sheeple!”
