(Worthy Satire) – In a development that briefly united conspiracy theorists and cable news producers in a single joyful moment, Barack Obama appeared to suggest that aliens are real — before calmly clarifying that he has seen absolutely no evidence of aliens whatsoever.
The confusion began when Obama, in a relaxed interview tone that launched 10,000 YouTube thumbnails, acknowledged that there are “things in the sky we don’t fully understand.” Within minutes, social media translated this into: “OBAMA CONFIRMS LITTLE GREEN MEN HAVE A HOA ON MARS.”
Area podcasters immediately scheduled emergency episodes titled “HE FINALLY SAID IT.”
However, in a follow-up explanation that reportedly caused several basement corkboards to collapse under the weight of red string, Obama clarified that while unidentified aerial phenomena exist, he has seen “no evidence” of extraterrestrial life.
“Let me be clear,” he essentially clarified. “There are objects. In the sky. That are unidentified. That does not automatically mean they’re piloting intergalactic minivans.”
Markets briefly fluctuated in the “tinfoil futures” sector.
Former administration aides say Obama’s clarification was delivered with the same tone he once used to explain complex health care policy — calm, measured, and devastating to anyone hoping for a galactic bombshell.
Alien enthusiasts were reportedly divided:
One group declared, “He knows but can’t tell us.”
Another group declared, “This is exactly what someone hiding aliens would say.”
Meanwhile, historians noted this marks the first time in modern politics that a statement both confirmed and denied extraterrestrials within the same news cycle.
At press time, several commentators were still zooming in on Obama’s eyebrow movements for “cosmic Morse code.”
In related news, unidentified flying objects remain unidentified, extraterrestrials remain theoretical, and Earth remains fully capable of producing enough chaos without interplanetary assistance.
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