CAPE CANAVERAL, FL (Worthy Satire) – Following new NASA research suggesting one of Saturn’s moons could support life, thousands of progressive activists immediately volunteered to leave Earth — preferably before the next election.
Elon Musk, seeing a golden opportunity to fulfill his long-held dream of interplanetary relocation (and maybe quiet down Twitter), reportedly announced a “special launch window” exclusively for self-identified anti-Trumpers, climate protestors, and anyone who still puts pronouns in their bio.
“Finally, a world where they can build their utopia free from mean tweets,” Musk said while laughing through a SpaceX comms link. “We’ll even throw in solar panels and vegan freeze-dried kale.”
NASA officials confirmed the rush of online applications crashed the agency’s “Habitat Hope” portal within minutes. Some users reportedly described the moon — tentatively nicknamed “SafeSpace-1” — as “the perfect distance from fascism, capitalism, and Florida.”
Democratic strategists expressed cautious optimism. “If this works,” one insider said, “we may finally achieve peace on Earth — at least for half of it.”
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