(Worthy Satire) – Doctors at a UK hospital are hailing the miraculous recovery of a man who sustained a broken neck, fractured spine, shattered ribs, and blood-filled lungs — the type of injuries normally reserved for high-speed car crashes — after tripping over his cat on the way to make a cup of tea.
The cat, described by neighbors as “adorably homicidal,” has yet to face charges, though local police are investigating whether its actions fall under attempted meowder.
Medical experts said they’ve never seen anything like it. “It’s as if this man went twelve rounds with a double-decker bus, only the bus was furry and demanded kibble afterwards,” one surgeon remarked.
The man is expected to make a full recovery, though he now insists his pet wears a high-visibility vest indoors. Animal rights groups have praised the cat, claiming it was just exercising its right to trip humans, while insurance companies are scrambling to add “domestic sabotage by feline” to their exclusion policies.
Meanwhile, the cat reportedly remains unrepentant, seen lounging smugly on the man’s hospital discharge papers.
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