WASHINGTON D.C. (Worthy Satire) – President Donald Trump announced plans to reopen the infamous Alcatraz prison with the specific purpose of housing “certain political figures,” beginning with his longtime nemesis, Hillary Clinton.
“I said it in 2016, and I’m saying it again – lock her up!” Trump bellowed to a cheering crowd at his latest rally. “Alcatraz is the perfect place. Isolated, secure, surrounded by sharks – just like Hillary’s old friends in Washington.”
Sources close to Trump say he’s already commissioned a gold-plated cell with a view of the bay for the former Secretary of State, complete with 24/7 cable news coverage and a live feed of Trump’s Truth Social posts.
“Look, it’s either Alcatraz or I build my own prison – and trust me, I know some great contractors,” Trump added. “It’s going to be a beautiful prison, the best prison, tremendous!”
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