WASHINGTON, D.C. (Worthy Satire) – The U.S. quietly admitted this week that nearly a million fewer jobs were created over the past year than previously claimed, sparking a nationwide panic — not over the jobs, but over the fact that President Donald Trump was right.
Economists called the revision “staggering.” Journalists called it “a hate crime against democracy.”
“We were prepared to handle inflation. We were prepared to handle recession. But no one prepared us for the psychological trauma of agreeing with Trump,” one New York Times reporter sobbed, clutching a therapy candle.
MSNBC quickly convened an emergency roundtable titled “Trump Was Accidentally Right — How to Process the Pain Without Moving to Canada.” Panelists suggested that the data could still be “Russian disinformation” or “a cruel trick by Excel.”
Meanwhile, Trump celebrated the revision in typical fashion: “I’ve been saying it all along — fake numbers, fake news, fake jobs. They said I was wrong, but guess what? Turns out I was right again. And being right is exhausting, but somebody has to do it.”
Wall Street tumbled at the news, though analysts say it wasn’t because of the job numbers — investors were simply shaken by the thought of the media suffering a mass outbreak of accuracy.
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