Trump Relieved He Didn’t Become Pope, Excited That ‘At Least’ the Pope Is Now American

WASHINGTON D.C. (Worthy Satire) – After failing to secure the papacy, Donald Trump expressed relief that the Vatican at least chose an American to lead the Catholic Church.

“I was this close to being the first Pope to put gold letters on the Vatican — big, beautiful, gold letters that you could see from space,” Trump said, holding his fingers an inch apart. “But hey, at least they went with an American. We’re winning again! I mean, it’s not Trump Tower, but it’s a start.”

While Trump did share an AI-generated image of himself as the Pope, he insisted it was all in good fun. “If I had won… well, who knows what the Catholic Church would look like now,” he joked.

Worthy Satire is meant purely for comedic purposes—after all, as Proverbs reminds us, “Laughter is good medicine.” But behind every satire is a real story, video, or event. For the unspun version of the headline, be sure to check out the original source. [ Source of the Satire (Read More…) ]

💡 Did you know? Worthy Satire survives on likes, comments, and shares. Shocking, we know.

📢 Every 👍 click, 💬 quip, and 🔄 repost confuses the algorithms into thinking we’re important — and helps this comical piece travel a little further. 🙌

💬 Discuss this on our forums
Small Town Reports Sudden Weight Gain After Dunkin’ Factory Fills Air With 1 Million Donuts’ Worth of Smell Per Day
Residents of this once-sleepy town say they didn’t eat anything differently, yet somehow gained between 8 and 22 pounds after...

Pretty Penny: Last U.S. Cent Sells for Price of Small Foreign Luxury Car Navy
In what economists are calling “the most successful retirement plan in American history,” the final remaining U.S. pennies were sold...

Black Bear Wanders Into Tennessee Christmas Parade, Instantly Becomes Town’s Mascot (Video)
Residents at Saturday’s Christmas parade experienced what many described as “a festive miracle” and others described as “deeply concerning wildlife...

Raccoon Goes on Drunken Rampage in Virginia Liquor Store, Passes Out on Bathroom Floor
In a scene locals are already calling "Hangover: Woodland Edition," a 28-pound raccoon brought chaos, confusion, and an impressive tolerance...

AI Gospel Singer Tops Christian Charts, Leaves Humans Asking if They Need to Tithe to a Server Rack
In a stunning turn for both the music industry and theology professors everywhere, “HAL-lelujah 3000,” the world’s first fully AI...

Trump ‘Re-Pardons’ Biden Turkeys After Autopen Scandal — Floats Naming New Birds ‘Chuck and Nancy’
In a ceremony that instantly became the strangest constitutional moment involving poultry, President Donald Trump announced Tuesday that he had...

$500 Million in Food Stamps Spent at Fast-Food Restaurants — America Enters the Golden Age of Government-Funded Grease
In the latest sign that the nation is thriving—nutritionally, economically, and spiritually—Americans have spent $500 million in food stamps at...