WASHINGTON D.C. (Worthy Satire) – In a fiery speech on the Senate floor, Sen. Josh Hawley demanded an immediate vote on the PELOSI Act, a proposed bill requiring lawmakers to disclose their stock trades in real-time while wearing sandwich boards that read, “Ask Me About My Portfolio.”
“If they’re going to play the market like Gordon Gekko, then let the American people see the ticker tape,” Hawley said, holding up a Monopoly board for emphasis. “Put them on the record, and while we’re at it, let’s make them trade on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange — in person, on camera, wearing clown shoes.”
Hawley also suggested renaming the act the ‘PELOSI & Friends Retirement Fund’ in honor of the House Speaker’s record-breaking returns, which he claims “outperformed both Wall Street and the guy who bet on the Bengals to win the Super Bowl.”
