In a stunning blow to President Trump’s “Extreme Makeover: Government Edition,” a federal judge has blocked his plan to dismantle the Institute of Museum and Library Services (IMLS), the Minority Business Development Agency (MBDA), and the Federal Mediation and Conciliation Service (FMCS), calling the move “a tad too aggressive, even for reality TV standards.”

In a stunning reversal of traditional economic policy discussions, President Donald Trump lashed out at Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell, calling him a “fool” but admitting he enjoys using Powell as a verbal punching bag on social media.

In a bold press conference held in a cozy, dimly lit coffee shop filled with artisanal candles and NPR tote bags, the CEOs of NPR and PBS announced their intention to fight back against President Trump’s proposed funding cuts, insisting that they’re utterly unqualified to do anything else.

Disney announced today that its seventh theme park will be constructed in the heart of Abu Dhabi, merging the charm of Mickey Mouse with the heat of the Arabian Desert.

In a shocking revelation that sounds like a plot twist from a low-budget apocalypse movie, a former Bush administration official claims that the U.S. has secretly constructed a $21 trillion subterranean metropolis exclusively for the rich and powerful to hunker down in during a “near-extinction event,” the New York Post reported.

In a tense yet oddly cordial meeting at the White House, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney politely informed U.S. President Donald Trump that Canada is, in fact, not for sale. The statement came after Trump reportedly floated the idea of purchasing the Great White North as a way to resolve ongoing tariff disputes.

In a move that has left both political pundits and sports analysts scratching their heads, President Donald Trump announced that Washington D.C. will host the 2027 NFL Draft. The announcement, made from the Oval Office, was accompanied by a flurry of superlatives and a promise that this draft would be “the greatest in history.”