(Worthy Satire) – In a bold attempt to keep pace with the digital age — and their viewers’ blood pressure medication — MSNBC announced it will rebrand itself as “MS Now.” The network says it’s dropping its iconic rainbow peacock, replacing it with what executives describe as “an endless loop of dramatic piano chords and a blurry Trump mugshot.”
The new brand is meant to signal “fresh energy” and “relentless panic,” according to insiders. “The peacock was colorful, hopeful, even a little optimistic,” one producer admitted. “Frankly, that was confusing to our base. We need branding that screams doom every 15 minutes.”
Industry analysts say the change is designed to keep MSNBC’s core audience engaged — retirees, Resistance Twitter influencers, and suburban wine moms who haven’t turned off Rachel Maddow since 2017.
“Rebranding as ‘MS Now’ is all about immediacy,” said one marketing strategist. “It’s not about journalism, facts, or balance. It’s about keeping viewers in a constant state of right-this-second anxiety over Donald Trump — whether he’s golfing, sneezing, or breathing.”
To ensure the new identity lands, the network is also testing slogans such as:
- “MS Now: Because He Might Tweet Again.”
- “MS Now: Breaking Trump Since 2016.”
- “MS Now: The Apocalypse Is Just a Segment Away.”
Meanwhile, insiders report former peacock mascots have been humanely relocated to CNN headquarters, where they’ll be allowed to roam freely through empty newsrooms.
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