(Worthy Satire) – In an urgent and heartfelt plea, the Iranian Ministry of, uh, Remaining Scientists issued a job posting Tuesday seeking anyone—yes, literally anyone—with even the faintest whiff of engineering experience.
“Do you have any engineering experience? Any at all? Maybe you once assembled IKEA furniture without sobbing uncontrollably? Or perhaps you fixed a leaky faucet? Congratulations—you’re overqualified!” reads the ad.
Officials admitted the sudden spike in vacancies followed what they described as a “glorious, heavenly promotion” of many of their top nuclear experts. “They went out in a brilliant flash of light, brighter than a thousand suns—truly, they are stars now,” said one official, dabbing a tear from his radiation suit.
The ad promises “unlimited career advancement” (sometimes very rapidly, straight into the afterlife) and “exciting, high-stakes work environments that really light up your life.”
“We are willing to train on the job—no degree required. The risk is worth the reward!” the ministry assured. “Benefits include hazard pay, free glow-in-the-dark uniforms, and complimentary Geiger counters.”
Applications are being accepted through all standard channels: LinkedIn, smoke signals, and encrypted carrier pigeon.
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