RIYADH (Worthy Satire) — In a diplomatic twist worthy of a daytime soap, President Donald Trump shocked Saudi officials this weekend by refusing to share a ceremonial drink with Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman (MBS), citing what he called “a deep spiritual aversion to beverages I didn’t brand myself.”
Sources close to the meeting say MBS extended a traditional toast with imported non-alcoholic pomegranate juice, but Trump waved it off, declaring, “If it’s not Trump Juice™, I don’t touch it. That’s called business integrity — look it up.”
The Crown Prince, reportedly confused but polite, responded with a nod and an awkward sip, while Trump grabbed a Diet Coke and proclaimed, “This is the nectar of real diplomacy. No calories, no compromise, just carbonation.”
Critics say the snub could strain U.S.-Saudi relations, but Trump’s team insists the gesture was meant as a bold stance for “true American beverages” and a protest against “sneaky antioxidants.”
“I like MBS, I do,” Trump said afterward. “But let’s be honest, the man’s never had a Trump Steak with a Diet Coke while watching Fox Business. So who’s really winning?”
No word yet on whether the two leaders will reunite over Big Macs and grape juice, but insiders say a peace summit is being floated at the nearest McDonald’s.