Greenpeace Activists Steal Macron Wax Statue — Say It Was “For the Slap, Not the Planet”

PARIS (Worthy Satire) – In a daring act of climate justice (and mildly disturbing curiosity), Greenpeace activists broke into the Musée Grévin this week and made off with the wax figure of French President Emmanuel Macron.

Their motive? Not fossil fuels. Not deforestation. But to finally understand what it felt like to slap the French president — “just like Brigitte probably does when he leaves crumbs on the Versailles couch,” one activist explained.

“This was symbolic,” said group leader Chloé DuPanique. “We’re slapping corruption, hypocrisy, and also… well, Emmanuel.”

Video footage showed activists dragging the waxy doppelgänger into a protest camp where it was briefly mistaken for the real Macron. “It didn’t blink for ten minutes,” one protester said. “That’s when we knew — wax.”

Museum officials were outraged but confused. “They left Greta Thunberg’s statue untouched,” the curator said. “Apparently, only Macron deserved the backhand of climate justice.”

Police are still searching for the statue, last seen seated on a bicycle-powered throne made of recycled baguettes and broken promises.

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