Google Celebrates Free Speech by Letting Banned Users Return… Just in Time to Ban Them Again Later

(Worthy Satire) – In a bold move for “freedom of expression,” Google announced it will reinstate YouTube accounts that were censored for political speech, hailing the decision as a “victory for open dialogue.”

But before anyone gets too comfortable, the tech giant clarified the fine print: reinstated users will be welcomed back with open arms—for the express purpose of being banned all over again when the next major pandemic rolls around.

“YouTube has always been committed to free speech, as long as it’s free of anything inconvenient to us,” a company spokesperson explained. “So yes, you’re free to upload your controversial opinions again. Just remember—when the next global emergency hits, your account will vanish faster than you can say ‘lab leak.’”

Critics called the move a “revolving door of censorship,” while Google assured the public that this time would be different: “We’ll be more transparent about when and why we’ll silence you.”

As one reinstated YouTuber put it: “I’m thrilled to be back. Too bad my subscriber base is still serving a multi-year shadow ban.”

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