NEW YORK (Worthy Satire) – New York City mayoral hopeful Zohran Mamdani made waves this week after announcing his plan to eliminate the NYPD’s gang database. His proposal has been greeted with enthusiasm–though perhaps not from the intended demographic.
Across the country, gangs have reportedly begun packing their bags, dusting off their Timberlands, and rehearsing their own gritty rendition of Frank Sinatra’s “New York, New York.”
“Start spreading the news, we’re leaving today,” crooned one West Coast crew leader as he booked a one-way flight to JFK. “If we can make it there–without being tracked in a database–we’ll make it anywhere.”
Travel agencies in Los Angeles, Chicago, and Houston say gang-related bookings to New York have skyrocketed, with some groups requesting guided tours of the Bronx, Brooklyn, and even Staten Island, “just to get the lay of the land.”
Local businesses are already adjusting to the possible influx. One Lower East Side karaoke bar says it’s reserving Friday nights for gang-themed Sinatra sing-alongs, while Broadway insiders hinted at a possible reboot: West Side Story 2: Database Deleted.
Meanwhile, critics warn that Mamdani’s proposal might make New York “the world’s biggest open mic for organized crime.” But supporters insist it’s about “community empowerment.”
When asked for comment, a group of arriving gang members simply belted out: “I want to be a part of it–New York, New York!”
BREAKING: Zohran Mamdani comes out in support of ABOLISHING the NYPD's gang database pic.twitter.com/zmduP6ccME
— End Wokeness (@EndWokeness) September 8, 2025
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