(Worthy Satire) – In what local pastors are calling “a modern-day plague in reverse,” a Florida man has captured 87 invasive Burmese pythons during the state’s annual Python Removal Challenge, earning a $1,000 reward — and, according to him, a higher reward in heaven.
“I read in Genesis that God gave mankind dominion over the animals,” the snake catcher explained, “and I figured that included the ones currently swallowing our deer, raccoons, and the occasional lawn chair. The Lord said to Moses, ‘Lift up your staff.’ I don’t have a staff, but I do have a snake hook from Bass Pro.”
The man said he prayed before each capture, not for safety, but for wisdom on how to get the snake into the bag without losing a finger. “Some people have a calling to preach. Mine is to clear the Everglades of slithering sin.”
Wildlife officials thanked him for his work, noting that invasive pythons are a threat to Florida’s delicate ecosystem. The hunter agreed, adding, “In the Garden of Eden, the serpent tempted man. In Florida, the serpent is just eating everything. Somebody’s gotta stand in the gap.”
When asked what he would do with the $1,000, he smiled. “First fruits go to the church. The rest… well, maybe a pair of snake-skin boots for Sunday service. You know, a testimony you can wear.”
Worthy Satire is meant purely for comedic purposes—after all, as Proverbs reminds us, “Laughter is good medicine.” But behind every satire is a real story, video, or event. For the unspun version of the headline, be sure to check out the original source. [ Source of the Satire (Read More…) ]
