WASHINGTON, D.C. (Worthy Satire) – In a sweeping new policy shift, federal employees are now permitted to pray and even share their faith openly while on the job.
While religious groups hailed the move as a victory for the First Amendment, atheist organizations reacted with panic, warning that exposure to prayer in federal offices might carry unforeseen risks.
“We’re deeply concerned,” said Barry Hitchens, spokesperson for the Freedom From Transcendence Foundation. “It starts with a co-worker bowing his head over a tuna sandwich, and before you know it, someone feels… peace. If employees start encountering the presence of God at the copier, the entire worldview of secular humanism could unravel before lunch.”
Some atheists are reportedly making contingency plans, including noise-canceling headphones for staff meetings and avoiding eye contact with any colleague who casually says, “I’ll pray for you.”
“We’ve spent decades telling ourselves God doesn’t exist,” one nervous activist admitted. “If He shows up in the federal cafeteria, it could be very embarrassing.”
Meanwhile, federal agencies are bracing for a wave of impromptu Bible studies, workplace altar calls, and the occasional baptism in the water cooler.
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