(Worthy Satire) – Democrats across Washington and Hollywood were left in a state of collective despair Monday after MSNBC announced it was dropping the “NBC” and rebranding itself simply as MS NOW.
For years, the network served as the unofficial therapy couch for those suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome, offering hourly reassurance that the Orange Menace would be frog-marched out of the White House any day now. But with the name change, loyal viewers worry their favorite echo chamber has abandoned them.
“What do we do now without the peacock and the illusion of credibility?” wailed Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, clutching her reusable latte cup. “Is it just… memes and Rachel Maddow monologues?”
Longtime host Joy Reid attempted to calm viewers. “Nothing changes. We’ll still report on democracy being perpetually on the brink of collapse. We’ll just do it now, faster, and with less subtlety.”
But critics say the rebrand is a desperate attempt to hide sinking ratings. “It’s like slapping a fresh coat of paint on the Titanic,” one insider admitted. “Except in this case, the iceberg is Trump’s poll numbers going up.”
Meanwhile, MSNBC’s core audience—elderly progressives who think hashtags are passwords—are struggling with the new branding. “MS NOW? What’s that? Microsoft News? Multiple Sclerosis Network?” asked a confused Joe Biden, the ex-president, before nodding off into his pudding cup.
For the rest of America, the rebrand may not matter. After all, as one viewer posted online: “We always just called it ‘MSDNC’ anyway.”
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