WASHINGTON, D.C. (Worthy Satire) – In an unexpected twist, the Democratic Party’s $20 million initiative to “redefine American manhood” has backfired spectacularly, leading to a national run on protein powder, muscle cars, and “Joe Rogan Experience” subscriptions.
The campaign, officially titled “Modern Masculinity for an Inclusive Future,” was designed to combat “toxic” traits by encouraging men to cry more, journal frequently, and swap weightlifting for interpretive dance.
But things didn’t go as planned.
“Within days, gyms were packed, flannel shirts sold out, and beard oil stocks tripled,” said one bewildered Biden adviser. “We even caught several senators deadlifting in the Capitol basement.”
Focus groups reportedly rejected the campaign’s flagship slogan — ‘Real Men Bake Quiche’ — in favor of ‘Bench Press Before Feelings.’
Meanwhile, the Democrat Party has quietly shelved a follow-up $10 million campaign entitled “Rediscovering Your Inner Goddess.”
Sources say Democrats are now scrambling to recover the funds — possibly by auctioning leftover scented candles and unsold copies of Brene Brown’s Guide to Assertive Snuggling.
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