CBS Interview Turns Into Cage Match Audition After Dana White Dismisses ‘Toxic Masculinity’

NEW YORK (Worthy Satire) – UFC CEO Dana White’s “60 Minutes” sit-down was supposed to be a serious conversation about culture and combat sports — until testosterone levels allegedly spiked so high in the studio that CBS staff had to call in a hazmat team.

After White laughed off the concept of “toxic masculinity,” sources say the air thickened with so much raw man-energy that cameras fogged up, interns started sprouting chest hair, and the interviewer — normally measured and composed — reportedly ripped off his tie and shouted, “Put me in the octagon!”

Eyewitnesses claim the 60 Minutes crew began chanting “Fight! Fight! Fight!” as the lighting technician oiled up the microphones “for effect.” One producer insisted that White’s presence alone triggered a “testosterone tsunami” that swept through the newsroom.

CBS executives, still recovering, are considering issuing future interviews with Dana White in full hazmat suits. The interviewer, meanwhile, is said to be training in Brazilian jiu-jitsu and demanding a rematch with his teleprompter.

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