(Worthy Satire) – The pioneer of plant-based “meat,” Beyond Meat, is facing a financial nosedive, with bankruptcy looming after consumers collectively realized–brace yourself–it’s not actual meat.
Industry insiders say the revelation struck many shoppers like a thunderbolt: “You mean the word Beyond didn’t mean better? It meant not meat at all?” one disillusioned customer exclaimed, tossing a half-eaten “burger” into the compost bin where it instantly decomposed into kale.
The final straw came when zookeepers attempted to donate unsold Beyond Meat patties to starving wolves. Witnesses reported the wolves sniffed the patties, whimpered, and walked away to gnaw on the wooden shipping pallets instead. One wolf was quoted through an interpreter: “We may be hungry, but we’re not that desperate.”
Critics now suggest the company rebrand as “Beyond Bankruptcy.” Meanwhile, real cows everywhere are reportedly breathing a sigh of relief, chewing cud with smug satisfaction as humans rediscover the magic of beef.
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