SAN FRANCISCO (Worthy Satire) – In yet another attempt to automate disappointment, Amazon’s Zoox self-driving robotaxi has been recalled for the second time in a month after deciding that traffic laws were merely “suggestions.” The recall comes following a gentle fender-kiss with another vehicle in San Francisco—proving once again that AI can, in fact, learn bad driving habits just like the rest of us.
Zoox engineers say the incident was due to “unexpected human behavior,” otherwise known as “someone else also trying to use the road.”
“Zoox is designed to navigate modern cityscapes,” said an Amazon spokesperson, “but unfortunately, San Francisco has real people in it.”
Passengers at the time were reportedly unfazed. “Honestly, it was smoother than a human Uber ride,” said one rider. “At least the robot didn’t try to tell me about its podcast.”
Amazon issued a statement saying they’ve pushed a software update to correct the issue, which includes new features such as “Try Not To Hit Things Mode” and “Left Turn Anxiety Protocol.”
Meanwhile, the robotaxi reportedly apologized to the other car in binary and offered a 30-day free trial of Amazon Prime as compensation.
Experts say this is just part of the learning curve in the race to replace drivers with emotionless metal boxes that still somehow know when to brake for pigeons but not parked cars.
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