(Worthy Satire) – In a tense yet oddly cordial meeting at the White House, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney politely informed U.S. President Donald Trump that Canada is, in fact, not for sale. The statement came after Trump reportedly floated the idea of purchasing the Great White North as a way to resolve ongoing tariff disputes.
“Listen, Mark, I’m a businessman,” Trump said, leaning forward with his best negotiation face. “You’ve got a lot of land, a lot of trees, and a lot of cold. I can make that work. What’s the number?”
Carney, maintaining the composure of a man who has been through Brexit negotiations and lived to tell the tale, shook his head. “We’re not for sale, Donald,” he said, glancing at a tray of poutine. “But we can offer you free healthcare and all the maple syrup you can handle.”
Trump, visibly disappointed, leaned back in his chair. “Fine. But what about Alberta? Just Alberta. I’ll even throw in some New Jersey.”
“No deal,” Carney said, raising his glass of Tim Hortons coffee. “But we’ll send you a few hockey players. You could use some defense.”
The meeting concluded with Trump tweeting, “Canada playing hard to get. Sad!”
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