(Worthy Satire) – In a development sure to confuse future archaeologists, the last remaining U.S. penny sold at auction this week for $16.76 million, an amount experts say could purchase a fleet of foreign luxury cars, several yachts to carry them, and still leave enough left over to avoid paying sales tax in multiple jurisdictions.
Once famous for being left behind in take-a-penny trays and rejected by vending machines, the coin has now achieved its highest calling: never being used for anything practical again.
“This is what we call peak appreciation,” said one auction analyst. “At one time, this penny couldn’t even buy a stick of gum. Today it could buy the gum factory, the land it’s on, and the executive who discontinued the gum.”
Witnesses described bidders aggressively raising paddles while mentally converting cents into Lamborghinis. One collector reportedly whispered, “It’s not about the money — it’s about owning something that once made cashiers sigh.”
Treasury historians noted the irony that a coin designed to facilitate small transactions now represents an amount so large it can only be discussed in metaphors involving sports cars and islands.
The winning bidder plans to store the penny in a climate-controlled vault, ensuring it never again faces the indignity of being dropped in a parking lot or rejected by a self-checkout machine.
Economists say the sale proves a timeless truth: if you make something useless long enough, it eventually becomes priceless.
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